Congressman Assinine proposes exhalation carbon tax

By Robert Perrego, at 8:33 am on December 30th, 2008

Across the country state legislatures are proposing new taxes to plug budget holes created by the falling economy.  As these tax proposals may seem to need to be logical, one of the arenas that currently enjoys public support is the green movement or the so called global warming / carbon taxing that some think is needed.

In Portland, Oregon there is news of a new mileage tax under consideration using GPS tracking.  Now, not only can you pay a tax on your car for not being manufactured within certain mileage requirements AND pay taxes on your gasoline for, well, being gasoline, you now have the eagerly awaited opportunity to pay a tax on every single mile you drive.

As anything that has anything to do with the creation of carbon dioxide, the most vilified entity since the discovery of death itself, must, and should be taxed, Congressman Assinine, the representative from Completely Ridiculous County, is proposing a tax on exhaling.

It is common knowledge that every human being inhales oxygen heavy air and then exhales carbon dioxide laden air which is alleged to be warming the entire globe and killing nearly every single animal species still in existence, including the very cuddly Everglade crocodile and our beloved vulture and hyena community budgets commonly found near Washington D.C. and most state capitols.

In a press release Congressman Assinine said recent studies have determined that if human beings were to entirely stop breathing for good, that global temperatures would drop 0.743 degrees farenheit over the next decade, which would allow polar bears to be able to visit their relatives on distant icebergs more often.

The proposal will be voted on when hell freezes over, next week, right after the stock market stops going down.

Where Have you Gone Milton Friedman?

By Mark Pason, at 7:34 am on December 23rd, 2008

At least there are still some free-market Republicans out there.  The Chicago School is sticking to its guns. Baffled by the current administration’s interventionist moves, many at the University of Chicago are taking a vocal stand. Hank Paulson won’t be getting holidays cards from this group.

Ronald Reagan is turning over in his grave, watching George Bush doing his best F.D.R. impersonation.  As Citigroup, A.I.G., CIT Group and American Express hold out Salvation Army Kettles, they would be wise to remember this Reagan quote.  “The most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government, and I’m here to help.”


A New Newspaper Guy learns something from the Internet

By Robert Perrego, at 8:32 am on December 19th, 2008

Sam Zell, real estate tycoon and now owner of the Chicago Tribune seems to have finally learned a few things about the New newspaper business.  The Old newspaper business model is dead, killed by the Internet.  For evidence of this one has only to look at the stock charts of every major newspaper stock out there; the New York Times Company (NYSE: NYT) down 61% in 2008, Gannett Inc. (NYSE: GCI) down 79%, and Washington Post Company (NYSE: WPO) down 51%, all have charts that look like the blood pressure of a dying man – straight down with short jerks up that says the patient is still alive, but barely.

The traditional newspaper business made a lot of money in three areas; movie listings, automobile advertisements and the employment classifieds.  The Internet, with sites such as Fandango.com and other quick and easy sites to check what movies are playing when and where, what they are about and to post lots of cool graphics and trailers has drastically reduced the needs to take out full page ads pumping the latest blockbuster.  Monster.com (NSDQ: MNST), CareerBuilders.com and Yahoo! Hot Jobs have all but eliminated the need to buy a classified ad if you needed to hire someone and I think it goes without saying that Detroit is not paying a whole lot of money to push their autos these days.

Publishing a newspaper is a massive and expensive undertaking with running the large power sucking printing presses and putting ink to millions of tons of paper and then physically moving all that paper to the subscriber base.  The first papers to get hit the hardest are any paper that had previously staked out a national audience.  First of all, a large amount of the world news is generated by sources such as the Associated Press (AP) or Reuters.  These services allowed the newspapers to have reach around the world to big stories without having to have a reporter based in every world capitol or financial center.  AP and Reuters would wire the story to the newspapers, the newspapers would print them and the news was carried the last mile to readers by the paperboy.

Now the first mile, last mile and the thousands of miles between the news story and the reader is traversed, at the speed of light, via the Internet.

Sam sold his real estate trusts near the top of the real estate market for $39 billion to the Blackstone Group.  This move seemed clairvoyant and brilliant at the time and had Sam at the peak of his wealth.  Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the bank…

For some reason Sam decided he wanted to buy a newspaper.  Rupert Murdoch was paying a large premium to get his hands on the Dow Jones Company (now owned by News Corp.) and its flagship media property The Wall Street Journal, and so maybe Sam thought all billionaires looked much cooler owning a newspaper.  Making the same rookie mistake as millions of investors have made, Sam decided that as the price of the stock of the Tribune had dropped so much, it must be a bargain.

The one investing rule Sam ignored is always phrased in the form of an age old question; ‘How low can that stock go?’  The answer is zero.

On December 8, 2008 the Chicago Tribune filed for bankruptcy.  Ouch!  Zell engineered the taking private of the company at $34 a share and now it is technically at $0.

So the big question is; ‘What has Sam learned?’

It seems Sam has learned a few newspaper tricks from the new media model being followed by the Internet.  The parts of this model that transfer easily to newspapers are; 1) No subscription charges, make it free – you make your money from the advertisers, 2) find a way to widely distribute the news cheaply, and 3) focus this news locally.

Any subway rider in New York City knows that about a year ago a free newspaper suddenly appeared at the entrance to many subway stations.  There was one and then all of sudden there were two; AM New York and Metro.  Sam Zell and the Chicago Tribune publish AM New York and they are giving it away every business day.

Over 5 million people ride New York City’s subways everyday and they are strap-hangers with nothing to do while getting whisked away towards the daily grind.  Hey – might as well have them looking at your advertisers right?  Just throw some news stories down and decorate them with ads and the people that write you checks and send you money will more than make up for what a thin newspaper costs that is cheaply distributed.  On the Internet this is called ‘content’ and ‘inventory’.  You generate content and surround it with space  to sell to advertisers (your inventory) and sell, Zell, Zell!  It is free to hit most websites and it is free to pick up Sam’s AM New York.

AM New York and Metro keep the news focused locally.  Why?  Well, if I want to know about what crazy Hugo is doing down in Venezuela the Associated Press and Reuters are a click away.  But, for the 20 minutes I am a strap-hanger that free newspaper can tell me what happened at City Hall, if the Giants won, how many pitchers the Yankees bought this week or about the new indie being shown at the Angelika in under 10 minutes.  The Internet has one click worldwide reach – don’t try to compete with it.  Zell from Chicago now sells local news to New Yorkers.  Brilliant!  This is going to be the only future business any non-niche newspaper has anyway.

The Chicago Tribune (which also owns The LA Times) has filed for bankruptcy. The New York Times is dying a slow death it seems, mortgaging their headquarters and deciding upon which non-core assets it needs to sell to stay alive.  It will not be long before you start to see a lot of other newspapers on the ropes.

Remember – that stock can go to $0, which is also the cost of AM New York.

Its the Internet way.

Why Buy the Card – Soon Enough You can Buy the Team

By Robert Perrego, at 2:11 pm on December 18th, 2008

Over the past months there has been a bit more dealing in the business of buying and selling professional sports teams.  Wayne Huizenga has already sold 50% of the Miami Dolphins to Stephen Ross founder of The Related Companies L.P., a real estate development firm, and they are putting the touches on selling 45 of the remaining 50% now.  I guess there will be a real estate developer in Miami with a few dollars after all.

Art Modell sold 30% the Pittsburgh Steelers – to his sons – after pulling the team off the market recently as he got no decent offers from the general public.  The Chicage Tribune, owners of the Chicago Cubs, are hemorrhaging  money like every other newspaper but cannot seem to get a decent bid for the team outside of Mark Cuban, who has problems of his own with the SEC.  Things may not be all that bad for Mark as it seems the SEC could not catch a cold in Soldier Field these days even if Governor Blagojevich was trying to sell them one.  Besides, baseball does not seem to want basketballs version of Al Davis in their clubhouse.  And speaking of Al Davis – is he ever going to give the people of Oakland a break and sell the Raiders to someone who knows something about football?

Investors are questioning whether or not the New York Times should sell the only asset they own that is not mortgaged or striking out like A-Rod in the bottom of the ninth, that asset ironically being The Boston Red Sox.

You can always buy a hockey team – just look for the team in Canada that plays in a town where the team roster is 10% of the population.  The problem here is hockey does not seem to make money anymore.

Believe it or not, the latest economic implosion has hit the wealthy extra hard.  The investors that had exposure to the CDS melt down and the more complicated mortgage securities were hedge fund investors and that group is made up of the wealthy.  On top of it all – the last slap upside the head was Bernie Madoff sticking the country club set with another $50 billion shafting, notably New York Met’s owner Fred Wilpon.

Sports teams are not cheap but the lack of liquidity and the beating corporations and wealthy people are taking these days will make them cheaper in the future.

On that note, the New York Yankees open their new stadium next year and they only need another $350 million in loan guarantees and bonds from the City of New York to complete a place where you can buy Coor’s Light and it will lighten your wallet faster than all the new taxes proposed by Mayor Bloomberg and Governor Patterson.

The one good piece of news?  Sports jerseys are getting cheaper.  Buy one today and maybe the team will get bought and moved tomorrow so you can look like an idiot in last years jersey!

Are you Sirius?

By Robert Perrego, at 12:58 pm on December 18th, 2008

Sirius shareholders have just approved a reverse stock split to get their 14 cents stock up by a multiple of 10 to 50.  Even a 50 to 1 reverse split will only have the stock trading at $7 and its dangerous as it made me have this terrible mental image of Oprah increasing in size by 50 times that almost knocked me out of my chair.

What has Sirius so down and out is the $1 billion dollar in debt maturing next year that they don’t have the money to pay off.  Will this play out like when The Pittsburgh Penguins gave half the team to Mario Lemieux when they could not pay his salary?  Are Oprah and Howard Stern going to take over the company and turn it into the 420 channels of Howard Stern’s ‘id’ and Oprah’s ’super-ego’ non stop preaching?

Howard could show us how to tip the girls at Score’s with Sirius stock (by the box full) and Oprah could show us some neat new wallpapering and oragami tricks because that is all a stock that is trading at 14 cents a share and losing $3 a share is good for.